"With All Due Respect..."

Have you ever used the phrase, “With all due respect?” You have haven’t used it yourself you may have heard it in a TV program, probably uttered by an indignant subordinate unsuccessfully attempting to assert him- or herself, or perhaps two attorneys vying for position in a heated discussion.

It is what we hear after “With all due respect…” that is more telling than the phrase itself. What follows the phrase is frequently anything but respectful. Often those words are just what precedes one person telling another that they are full of crap and their comments, logic, reasoning or beliefs are totally ridiculous.

Respect? Hardly. “With all due respect…” is just a political correct, formal or pseudo-polite way of telling someone else they are off their rocker (or worse). It’s also a bit of a cop-out. Why? Because by using it the person is tip-toeing around what might be a very controversial or confrontational situation. It is a passive/aggressive technique that can be used to serve up a double, sugar-coated exclamation of bile, with a knife-in-the-back chaser. Using the phrase sets us up as being above the situation, but there’s one big problem with that: Setting yourself up high without a firm foundation upon which to stand is a recipe for being knocked down – with or without politeness.

How do you disagree with someone without being disagreeable or cause further confrontation? Using “With all due respect…” is an offensive maneuver, challenging the other person by promoting our own agenda over their own. There are another ways, which are neither offensive nor defensive.

One method is to simply say, “Really?” Understand that the voice inflection on that one word can make a world of difference! It must be a sincere query into the statement of the other person, not accompanied by an acerbic smirk. Another way is to make an inquiry about the statement. “Tell me more”, “Is that really how you feel?”, or “What makes you think that?” are all excellent ways to indicate we are listening to the other person and sincerely interested in their viewpoint.

We will never agree with everyone all the time. It is our differences and diversity that create a full, colorful and vibrant world. Learning to live with those differences of opinion, decorating styles and choices of lifestyles will enable us to live peaceful yet exciting lives.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Snarky, Snide and Sarcastic

We all have our unique ways of expressing ourselves. We can also make ourselves pretty miserable trying to get others to express themselves the same way. Ashleigh Brilliant once wrote that “I need a map of your mind to avoid the most dangerous areas.” Wouldn’t that be helpful!

Some people have a very off-the-wall sense of humor. A person like that can be fun to be around and most entertaining. It is often difficult, however, to engage that same person in a serious conversation.

Humor is one way of expressing ourselves in tense situations to lessen the seriousness of the circumstances by taking the edge off. It is when humor turns into snarky remarks, snide innuendoes and sarcastic rhetoric that misunderstanding and hurt occur.

People who resort to a flip or arrogant answer to the simplest question are attempting to show they are in control and superior. It is important, particularly for the victims of such a sharp tongue, to understand just the opposite is true. The truly confident need not prove themselves to anyone; thinking oneself superior to others is a recipe for disaster. The psalmist admonished us to “safeguard [our] tongue against what is bad, and [our] lips again speaking deception.” (Ps. 34:13)

Does it really feel that good to always be the one with the “zinger” response that shuts down the other person? A person who is secure in him- or herself does not need to make others feel stupid, unappreciated or insignificant. The individual who is truly confident has the ability to understand others, communicate effectively and listen to people around them without any need to put down friends, family or colleagues.

We live in very busy times. One way to deal with the madness in which many of us find ourselves in is to stop and give the person with whom we are talking our full and undivided attention. No finishing that last email while chatting on the phone with a loved one – the email can wait until you are done with your conversation.

Be present in the moment with love, understanding and appreciation of others. Taking the time to listen to what others are saying (and not saying) will enable us to respond with joy instead of a hurtful, snarky quip.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Stop, Step Back and Breathe

Three or four times every year we are presented with a slice of time, about three weeks give or take, in which we may find our lives going array for no apparent reason. There are very good explanations for what is happening around us, as with most situations which cause us to be perplexed and confused. But for the purpose of brevity, I ask you to just go with me on this, because one of those slices of time started yesterday.

Whether it is bad karma, some stars in or out of alignment, a Universal Law we are fighting or a devil doing his work (depending on your take on life), we all have these moments where no matter how hard we try to make things right everything seems to be going wrong.

Psychotherapist and coach Lynn Grodzki, LCSW, says for those of in the profession of helping others, we recognize this as AFGO, Another Friggin’ Growth Opportunity. As helpers we know we must first help ourselves before helping others. Often people want to grow spiritual or improve in their lives only to complain that they do not want to try something new. 12-step programs remind us that doing the same thing over and over and expecting difference results is a great definition of insanity. At times during our lives such as we are currently experiencing, it does it good to stop, step back, take one heck of a deep breath, and see if the AFGO before us requires a change in the paradigm we have of life.

When Ernest Holmes wisely taught us that changing our thinking changes our life he was not explaining a one-time experience. It is not like you “paint your car, change your life” and the car works perfectly for the rest of the time we own it. Changing our thinking only changes our life when we are practicing this principle by examining our sacrosanct paradigms on a daily basis.

If we have built our life on a firm foundation as expressed in our personal vision and mission, then the changes, frustrations, obstacles and other AFGOs that present themselves allow us to move forward instead of stopping progress and/or staying stuck.

Over the next three weeks be aware of the AFGOs, of frustration on the part of others, or perhaps yourself. When these “golden opportunities” present themselves, stop, step back, take one heck of a deep breath, smile to yourself as you recognize the AFGO and go with the flow of the Universe. Just remember when you go with the flow: YOU get to pick the stream.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

What We Focus On We Attract

I started writing this blog a while back, but could never quite get it going. Scripture says “there is a time and a place for everything.” Once again, Spirit has decided when and where.

The “Law of Attraction” operates on the assumption that whatever we are focusing on we are attracting to us. Like most metaphysical principles it is a fairly simple proposition. Simple principles, however, can often be far from easy in application.

That is why it is so hard not to think of an elephant if someone tells us not to think of an elephant. Whatever we think about becomes our focus.

Coincidentally many of us are, right this minute, thinking about elephants…and donkeys. America is being faced with a crisis (again) and everyone has their knickers in a twist about it. If I have learned one thing about the history of this country from my husband, Kevin, it is that our nation has survived many crises. We will survive this one in spite of the catastrophe predicted by some and the ignorance of others who continue to “hunker down” instead of stepping up to the plate.

Have you noticed how so many people are simply aghast at how politicians seem to have their own political agendas, making headlines for themselves instead of doing their jobs and bowing to the corporations that keep them in power? Like this is news?!? Seriously?

Contact your representatives, if you have not already done so, and hold them accountable to do their jobs. Take this time to be practical and re-evaluate your financial situation (meaning pull up Quicken and get a grip on reality). Actively appreciate the people in your life that support you, because they are who will ultimately get us through this period on the physical level.

Congress is giving us a wonderful opportunity to consider what is truly important in our lives. I cannot honestly say I appreciate the timing, but it is what it is! Know in your own mind and heart that the Universe is abundant. This situation will resolve itself one way or the other and just fretting about it will not change the outcome. Very few may agree with the solution or consequences, but Life continues.

When you think about it that way it sounds like just about every other day!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Apologies

Have you ever had someone apologize to you and then discover the next sentence out of their mouths is justification for their inappropriate actions? The cosmic giggle in that (or damn annoying outcome, whichever you feel at the time!) is that the person is long-gone before you realize they were not really sorry for what they did.

“Everything before ‘but’ is bullshit.” That’s something I learned from a beloved and respected professor of mine at Temple University. Think about it. If you are going to apologize to someone then those words, if they are to be sincere, cannot come with reasons why the action or words were deserved, can they?

It’s okay not to be sorry. You may feel righteously indignant about something someone did to you and are very angry about it. You may feel deeply hurt. And, yes, you may have even had a part in the altercation. It’s unhealthy, however, okay to hold onto those hurts for days, months or years.

I would suggest to you that if you cannot simply say, “I’m sorry” and let it go at that, then you are not truly sorry. If there is to be discussion or debate about the situation, let it be before any apologies ensue. Then, once everyone has been heard and understood, if a sincere apology can be given, let it. Otherwise, wait until you can.

Receiving a sincere apology also requires forgiveness on the part of the person wronged. I have been told that “they don’t deserve my forgiveness.” That may be true. But here’s the kicker: YOU deserve your forgiveness. Every time we hold onto anger, hatred or hurt because of what he, she or they did to us intensifies the cosmic bond between us and that other party.

Think of something about which you feel guilty, in particular something that you have been beating yourself up about. Now…take a deep breath and let yourself off the hook. Forgive yourself. Allow your breath to cleanse your mind, body, heart and soul of all the nastiness you’ve been holding inside. Allow it to flow out of your body like used, gunky oil flows out of the car. Fill yourself with love through knowing that however you acted, you did the very best you could at that time.

When you feel complete and know how well that feels, think about whom you may have harmed or hurt, knowingly or unknowingly and offer an apology to them. No “ifs”, “ands” OR “buts”.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Staying Connected

“I’m SURE your Droid has an app for that!” That’s something my husband, Paul, often says to me in a snide, somewhat BBC English accent. I take his disdain for smart phone as painfully obvious jealousy – he won’t even get a cell phone!

Still, he’s right. (OMG – Did I just say that?!?) I do have an app for just about everything I “need.” This, of course, begs the question, Exactly why do I need it? With four growing businesses, a full-time job, a large volunteer commitment with a local non-profit and two aging parents on opposites side of the country (one of whom is in hospice care), and the fact that I travel extensively, my Droid has become an indispensable tool for keeping in touch, scheduling and planning.

Recently, however, I laughed out loud at myself for taking several minutes to access a computer program to find out the weather when I realized walking outside might have sufficed! Last week I heard on NPR that a study indicated the maximum number of meaningful relationships we can have is 50. How many “friends” to you have on Facebook? Keeping in touch is wonderful, but is there a limit to how much information we can assimilate?

Apparently, yes. While the connection we have with the world is amazing, our minds are not developed to the extent that is necessary to absorb 24/7 news about every country in every corner of the world. Mastin Kipp, founder of The Daily Love, wrote this yesterday:

[W]e know the SECOND something happens anywhere in the world. And we give these events our attention. And almost as soon as one event seems to be over, another happens and another and another and another, until pretty soon it seems like the world is going mad. … it’s not the world that’s going mad; it’s just that we have become more aware of what’s happening around us. We are more aware and therefore, more overwhelmed.

I’ve been wanting to blog about this for some time, knowing only too well just how difficult it is to deal with information overload. Mastin put it perfectly. The joy is we have the tools to deal with this issue – and it’s not another app for your smart phone.

If the Science of Mind teaches us anything it teaches us that we have choice. We can choose to turn off our phones, our computers, even (gasp!) our TVs and DVRs! I lived for five years at one point in my life without a TV. It was amazing how much I got done! For me this means prioritizing. I need to be available, but not for the whole world. I need to be available for my family, for my friends – the real friends – not the endless sea of faces online. I mean really…how many people on Facebook have you friended that you don’t even like, but can’t stand not knowing what they’re doing? Oh…was that my “out loud” voice again? Hmmmm…

Take time every day to “un-plug” from the electronics and endless chatter of the Internet. Use that time to TALK (not TEXT) the ones you love, to go within and calm your mind, to do something physically that is meaningful. Giggle, not Laugh, not ROTFLMAO. Even better, trying writing a real letter on paper (you remember paper, right?) and send it in an envelope with a stamp. I can guarantee that will bring a smile to the face of the recipient…and you!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Realizing Our Dreams

I have written about spiritual mind treatment, also called affirming prayer, in many of my blogs. The final step in this type of prayer is “release.” We release our desire into the Universe to allow our words to become concrete realities in our world. Then what?

Sitting around, waiting for the Universe to drop our desire on our doorstep or in our laps, beautifully wrapped up with a gold bow is probably not the best course of action. Conversely, running around, manically doing everything we can to force our desire into manifestation is equally counterproductive to an acceptable conclusion.

“Daily OM”, a daily, spiritual email to which I subscribe (http://www.dailyom.com/) recently stated, “To realize our goals and visions we must be as industrious as we are optimistic.” This statement is a perfect complement to affirming prayer. The late Dr. Vetura Papke, religious science practitioner to Science of Mind founder, Dr. Ernest S. Holmes, used to say, “Treat and move your feet.” It is really the same admonition, but Vetura had something even more important in mind.

“Moving our feet” has another application than doing the physical, spiritual and emotional work we must do to make room for our hopes, desires, goals and dreams to become reality. Part of “moving our feet” is moving out of God’s way! We must avoid outlining to the Universe exactly when, how and what needs to happen to have our prayers answered, and by whom that answer must come. The Universe often seems to have a more simplistic and beautiful way of supplying our needs than what our human minds contrive.

Perhaps one of the most annoying parts of any answered prayer is having it answered by someone who we do not particularly like. Most annoying. I mean really annoying. (Guess you can tell I have been there!) When we are faced with this situation the dilemma to which we are confounded is: Do we ignore the answer because of our ego? Or, do we humbly accept the good no matter where it comes from or how it happens?

By nurturing our dreams into goals and then allowing that desire to take on a life of its own, we shall be able to enjoy the evolution of our manifestation. We shall see all that we desire and enjoy the benefits of knowing that with God all things are possible. Remember the words of Peter J. Meyer:

Whatever you vividly imagine,

ardently desire,

sincerely believe,

and enthusiastically act upon...

must inevitably come to pass!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry