Do you remember what it was like being a
teenager? Boys and girls going through the cycle of adolescence find themselves
with a paradox. Their bodies and minds are developing a sense of separation and
independence from their parents. At the same time, middle school and high
school are places where fitting in, not sticking out, is preferred by most. How
can they establish an individual identity where social groups can mean
popularity and acceptance? How can they be perceived as “normal?”
In fact, how can we as adults? If we are like
others we have a sense of acceptance about ourselves. At the same time we want
to be recognized for the unique person we are. A great deal of my work is
helping others to find what is special about them, to find their “gift.” While in
the spiritual sense we are one with everything around us, we are also an individualization
of the creative mind behind all life. I’ve seen my friend, Natasha, grow up from
a child into a beautiful woman. She marched to her own tune as a teenager
without apology or any seeming need for approval. Today she’s grown into a
beautiful and caring woman who is very clear on who she is.
We risk labels of being weird, crazy or
eccentric if we step outside acceptable social rules, color outside the lines
or dance to the beat of our own drum. “Why don’t you dress your age?” is a
question asked of some seniors. I don’t even know what that means. Who are we
to tell someone else how to express themselves? It’s been my experience that a
person who asks that of another is doing so for one of two reasons. They might
be concerned for a friend or relative being looked down on (though the person
in question probably doesn’t care). Or, they may just be jealous that someone
else has the chutzpah to live without allowing people to dictate how they
should live their lives.
I saw a woman in the grocery store last year
that was probably well on the other side of sixty. Her hair was flawless, the
blouse sensual but not tacky and the simple black skirt that fit her like a
glove was well above her knees. The ensemble was completed by a pair of fierce,
black pumps with five-inch spike heels. She was elegant, proud and confident. I
complimented her on the fact that she took such meticulous care in her
appearance and congratulated her on being one of the few women I’d seen
recently who could walk in stilettos without looking like a gazelle with
splints on its legs. She blushed and was truly moved that anyone would take the
time to compliment her. She was unassuming in conversation and the epitome of a
gracious presence.
Is she our “normal” picture of a woman of that
age? Probably more so in 2014 than when I was growing up in the ‘60’s, but I’m
sure she turned a few heads in the store that included disapproving smirks. I
loved her. She wasn’t out to prove she was 30. She wasn’t trying to recapture a
sensuality usually reserved in society’s opinion for a woman twenty years
younger. She was being who she was, without exception, explanation or apology.
When we are confident in our own personalities we don’t do what we do to prove
anything to anyone. We are being authentic and unique. In doing so, we reduce
our stress level and provide the planet with a gift only we can give.
As one of my dearest friends, Dr. Arleen Bump,
once told me, “I don’t defend, justify or explain my actions. I let the results
speak for themselves.” How are the results in your own life? Are you seeking
approval instead of being the magnificent, unique individual you are? I invite
you to step back this week if you begin thinking of stopping yourself from
doing something out of fear of reprisal or the disapproval of others. Normal is
average. Do you want to be “average,” just “good enough?” I don’t. I want to be
amazing, authentic and magnificent! Be yourself. Remember, God doesn’t make
junk!
In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,
Terry
