For What Are You Grateful?

Are you able to experience gratitude on a daily basis? I’m not just talking about appreciating someone opening a door for you when your hands are full. I’m talking about a deep resonance within your heart, not just once in a while, but throughout the day, but just how blessed you are.

I felt that for four days recently on a humanitarian mission to Bogotá, Colombia. As a member of Airline Ambassadors International, I accompanied over a dozen other volunteers as we visited and supported the children of Orphanage Rompiendo Cadenas. This facility houses about 75 children from toddlers to young adults. Adoption is impossible since their parents are still on the street or in jail, many who are prostitutes and/or drug addicts.

While the living conditions at the orphanage are far below our American standards, the consistent and heartfelt joy shown by the kids in helping one another is beyond belief. Do they ever fight or disagree? Sure. They’re kids! But most of the time they are looking out for one another. They are a very large family that works together and shares of their limited resources.

Carolyn and Terry reading to Nicole

This week’s writing is not about how much we have here in the States and how we should feel guilty if we complain about our life. It’s also not about helping people overseas when we have plenty to do to address starvation and poverty in our own country. What this writing is about is how we can train ourselves to appreciate what we have.

Is it wrong to want more, or have more, when people around the world or in your town are in lack? No, it is not. Denying ourselves our blessings does no one else any good here or abroad. We live in an abundant universe, one ready to support us in more ways than we can believe possible at times. But we have to be the ones to reach out. We have to open our consciousness and our hearts to accept our good.

The way to start that process is to begin appreciating what we have. Take nothing in your life for granted. Be grateful for all those who bless you throughout today. We get precious little support in the media for doing good deeds for others. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do something on our own. It’s like the argument against recycling that goes along the line of “recycling just one can or envelope is not going to save the planet.” No, it won’t. But if 100,000 of us each recycled a can or envelope it can certainly reduce our carbon footprint on Mother Earth.

Perhaps that’s the crux of my thoughts this week. It’s not whether or not we can fly around the world helping people with less than us, or recycling everything in sight. It’s about doing those seemingly small random acts of kinds, those little gestures of love and appreciation that bring us closer to creating a world where peace and abundance are the norm.

If you feel so inclined, take a look at the link above to the orphanage. It will take you to a video of a past humanitarian mission. I guarantee your perception of your day will change. Whether or not you do click on the link, I hope you’ll take a few moments today to find the blessings in your life. And, in that deep appreciation and grateful feeling, how will you reach out to others in your own life? We do not give to receive, but in the giving we receive back more than we can imagine.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Getting Happiness Back In Your Life

This week I want to chat with you about how scented balls led to a change in my thinking and attitude. Now you might be wondering exactly what those are and how they might enrich your life. Or, you might be taken aback by what fear could turn into a very different discussion. Either way I can safely say that you probably have a smile on your face.

Or not. I hope so, though! The scented balls I’m talking about are those gel-like, round beads that you may have seen in a candle store. They scent rooms or your car with a far lighter scent than a candle or incense. My partner got one for me and it fits perfectly in the backseat cup holder in my car.

But after a couple of weeks of summer heat, all that was left of the puffed up nodules were some very small hard, seed-like looking grains. The scent still lingered, but what to do? Just for fun I filled the jar halfway with warm water. In less than 30 minutes I had a jar full of those gel-like beads again, as well as a more pronounced scent for my car!

I marveled at how quickly and easily they transformed back to their intended appearance and function. (Side note:  I’ve done this process again at least twice with the same result!) It occurred to me that sometimes I feel just like those dried out scented balls. My heart becomes hard and feels like it’s going to crack in half. Then someone smiles or is kind to me when I’m out running errands. Or, I may read something funny online that makes me question my sadness or anger. My heart softens and the world no longer looks so cruel and cold.

How quickly that can happen! In an instant – far less than 30 minutes! – we can be transformed. Our lives become immediately happier and we don’t feel as alone. I don’t know what the triggers are for you, either for feeling down or rejuvenating yourself to the person you love to be. But I do know it’s important that we all find what it is we do to change our attitude. For me it’s a Beach Boys album or a Cher disco CD. (Give me a break here? I grew up on the Southern California coast and came out in the late 1970s!)

Find something you know will make you happy. Perhaps it’s a reading, a place, some music or the kindness of a friend. Keep that action on mental speed dial. Our spirit may be eternal, but our lives in these bodies have a very limited time on the planet. Take advantage of every second of every day!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

What Will You Remember?

When you think back on the past what comes to mind? Good memories? Painful ones? Today is Patriot Day in the United States. It’s observed on September 11 to mark the anniversary of terrorist attacks in 2001. (Side point? It’s “Patriot Day,” NOT “Patriot’s Day!” Patriot's Day (or Patriots' Day) commemorates the battles of Lexington and Concord, which were fought near Boston in 1775. Being in a relationship with a historian has its perks.)

Patriot Day. On September 11, 2001, at least 2,996 people lost their lives. Thousands of people knew someone who died that day. Thousands more know someone who lost a loved one. But what will we remember?

That day is an intensely personal memory for most of us in this country. The day is still fraught with loss, with sadness and with anger. Our nation lost a big chunk of our innocence; America had to admit she was no longer safe from modern-day terrorism on her own soil.

Many of us got angry – really angry. A lot of people still are. People wanted then and still want today to have one particular individual or group to blame. The situation is too complex for that to happen. Unfortunately, much of the anger has been waged against innocent Muslims. The great majority of Muslims decry the attacks to our country even more than some Christians and Jews, because these senseless acts of violence desecrate Islam and her principles. Yet, those people continue to bear the brunt of ignorance and senseless violence.

There is, perhaps, a greater question than, “What do you remember?” The more productive and telling question is, “How does remembering what you experienced serve you?” Whether it’s observing the anniversary of 9/11 or the memory of a nasty divorce, what emotions do we want to stir up when recalling the past?

I don’t suggest forgetting painful memories or missing loved ones no longer with us, but I conversely I don’t recommend dwelling on those thoughts to our physical, emotion and spiritual detriment either. Just like a physical wound creates scar tissue, our emotional wounds can create something similar in our consciousness. We are stronger for what we move through and beyond.

But like that scar tissue, going back and picking off the emotional scar tissue, digging open the wound and then dredging up blame and anger doesn’t help us heal. Some reading this will say, “But I DESERVE to be angry!” Perhaps you do. If that is your need then you will have that experience and all the consequences that accompany your emotions. I believe what we deserve is peace of mind, self-respect and unshakeable faith in the power of love.

If there is some event in your life – 9/11 or something else – would you be willing to remember the experience from a place of observation instead of re-enactment? On Patriot Day we can honor our fallen heroes through working for peace instead of seeking to further destroy. We can seek to understand, instead of demanding to be understood. We can listen with the intent of healing, instead of waiting for a break in the conversation to interject snarky retorts.

The common slogan from that day 13 years ago is, “We will never forget.” I’ve more often used my own slogan, “We will always remember.” The question is, How will my memories aid in creating a better life for myself and others? What can I take away from the experience to move forward into the future, learning from the past instead of being stuck in it?

With blessings and love for all the people who lost their lives on September 11, 2001, and for their families and friends who still miss them,

Terry

You Only Live Once?

Do you believe you only live once? When I was a child I was taught there was no life before this one. It was drilled into me that if I died before Judgment Day there would be no life after death, unless I had been really, really … I mean REALLY … good and did all the things I was taught on Sunday and throughout the week.

As I grew older I came to believe that life is eternal and, though we may have different bodies or expression through time, there is no end to the life energy within each of us. I developed a strong conviction that I had lived lives before this one and that my spirit will go on to live after my body dies, either on this plane of existence or others.

But Warren Buffet changed my mind last week. (I’ll bet in a thousand years you did NOT see that coming!) John G. Taft, the author of “Stewardship: Lessons learned from the lost culture of Wall Street,” recently wrote about the greatest sayings of Buffett. In the article he refers to the “punch card analogy” Buffett uses in the context of investment and finance. Taft suggests that it can apply to life in general as well.

Briefly, this punch card idea states that we have a limited number of key decision-making events that occur in our lives. If your “life card” has twenty places to punch on it, once you make one of those choices you have only nineteen left. Think about the old amusement parks rides that took a different number of tickets for each ride. When your roll of tickets was gone you went home. “What?” you say? “Talk of limitation from a religious science minister who believes in our unlimited potential?” Yes, in a way, so mark this down as one of those times.

This idea goes quite well with the belief that we have freedom of choice, but not of consequence. Choosing a drama over a comedy at the theater or pasta instead of salad for dinner probably isn’t going result in some earth-shattering or otherwise monumental change. If I choose the comedy film followed by the pasta it’s probably not going to be something memorable ten years from now unless, of course, that cute Italian waiter is my next ex-husband.

Narrowing our choices and choosing wisely can have a tremendous impact on our overall happiness and satisfaction with life. Too many choices of anything can stop us from moving forward – ask any couple who had to decide on what color(s) to paint the bathroom. Conversely, only one or two choices can feel like it’s “damned-if-I-do-damned-if-I-don’t,” which for me translates into “I’m powerless and a victim.”

The danger here is taking an attitude of “I don’t care” on one end of the spectrum and “I have to do this” on the other. Very few of our daily decisions fall soundly on either end. Most are in the middle. The rest lean more toward one side or the other.

Our job is to decide just how much energy we want to put into our decisions. To assist with decision making think about this:  How important will this decision be in five years? In ten years? Or, If I had been given only one more year to live, what different choices would I make?

I suggest to you that there will never, ever be another unique person exactly like you through whom God (Spirit, if you prefer) can experience life. Be confident in your decisions. Choose wisely. And, above all, make sure God’s having a good time in the process, since you are that which God is!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Have You Arrived?

How do you know when you’ve “arrived?” What I’m asking is, How do you know when you’ve accomplished what you set out to accomplish, or that you have the life you want?

With some things, like taking a plane from one city to another, you know exactly when you’ve arrived. The aircraft stops, you get off the plane and you go about your business. But life is not always that cut and dry.

I suggest to you that too often we wait to do what we want to do, or experience what we desire to accomplish, because we are waiting for some power outside ourselves. We delay our joy and happiness by making the assumption that to achieve our goals we must go through a pre-determined set of mile markers. For example, “I can’t get a good job until I get my bachelors, masters or doctoral degree.” Therefore, no job or career, until the achievement of one or all of those goals, will ever be good enough to be “good.”

Here’s how I started thinking about this last week. As you may or may not know I’m in the process of completely re-designing my ministry and how I serve others. There are, of course, some components I will keep that have worked well for me and benefited those whom I have served over the past two decades. But other projects and opportunities I have in mind are brand new areas for me, a few using cutting-edge technology which I have yet to learn!

I’ll be 60 next year. I actually started thinking that with this new ministry I’ll be able to enjoy the life I want in another ten or twenty years. I got stuck for a moment in the shoulda/couldas. (NOTE:  Please read the rest of this paragraph with a whiny voice.) “I shoulda done this twenty years ago. I coulda moved forward before now. Now because I delayed I won’t be able to enjoy the life I want for some time.”

WRONG! I know exactly what kind of life I want to have and – drum roll – are you ready? – I’m already living it! There isn’t anything I’ll be doing in twenty years that I don’t already do now. We have this idea in the U.S. that we have to work a long time to create the life we want and, in the back of our minds, feel like we might be too old or too feeble to enjoy it once we get there. Here’s a quote I love to remind myself of from time-to-time:

The world knows you in terms of your history,
but the universe knows you in terms of how you
are knowing yourself at this present moment.

Michael Hyatt writes an amazing blog. This week his topic is, “Why Retirement is a Dirty Word.” I re-tweeted a quote from him that speaks directly to what I’m writing about here:  “If you’re doing meaningful work you enjoy, why would you ever want to quit?” This is exactly how I’m living my life, helping others to have the life they envision for themselves – not twenty or thirty years from today, but starting right now.

Let go of the past! Forget about what was and concentrate on what “is.” We do not have to wait for anything to enjoy the life we desire. We are only a thought away from changing our attitude and our outlook by simply changing our perception of what’s happening in front of our faces.

What has to happen before you will have the life you want? Do you feel something stands in the way of your happiness or a change needs to occur before you can be satisfied? Would you be willing to ask yourself if that is really true? We human beings are spectacular at convincing ourselves of what we can’t have. The magical answer to obtaining our desires is that we can just as well convince ourselves that we can have the life we want.

The universe is here to lovingly and rapidly rush to our aid. It is conspiring to give us what we want. The key is that we have to be willing to allow this to happen. What are you waiting for? Go for it!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

P.S.  To read Michael’s full posting, click here!

"Genie, You're Free"

Are you thinking about the death of Robin Williams today? With all the news channels reporting it, Twitter feeds going wild and the many photos on Facebook it’s pretty hard not to think about it.

I’m publishing this week’s message early, unedited, unproofed and completely raw form. Why? Because that’s what many of us are feeling right now:  raw emotions. We’re feeling sadness at how much we’ll miss his humor and crazy antics. We’re experiencing rage or anger that he died. Why didn’t someone see this coming, or why didn’t his family or friends do something?

As a minister, and also a licensed social worker I’m well aware of the truth of just how much depression and anxiety permeate our society. Studies indicate around 16 million Americans suffer from some form of depression and most of those cases go either undiagnosed or untreated. A psychiatrist one said, because he’s a medical doctor, that a death from suicide to him is no different than any other death. How can that be? Isn’t that callous? He explained that the reason he felt that way is that it is still a death from the disease of depression. In that light, it is no different to him than the death of a person from the disease of kidney failure, heart failure or a brain tumor.

Ponder that a moment. Do you see depression as the dis-ease it is? It is a condition that is treatable through many methods, including medication, behavioral therapy and the complimentary treatments of affirmative prayer, meditation, movement, exercise and massage, to name a few. I have used all of those for my clients. But, more importantly, I’ve use them for myself as well.

I’ve dealt with, and at times suffered from, chronic depression from the time I was a child. I’m 59 and I’ve allowed this condition to affect me in various forms for about 55 of those years. I’m no longer ashamed to say so, any more than I would be “ashamed” to be dealing with diabetes, lung cancer, HIV/AIDS or any other physical disease. Just as these other physical ailments can be treated through Spirit, mind and body, so can depression. At the time I’m writing this we’re hearing that William’s death was a suicide. I don’t know that for sure. What I know is an incredibly talented man, one who made so many of us laugh, cry and ponder ideas, is gone.

We can’t bring him back. What we can do in this country and abroad is stop vilifying people who are experiencing depression and anxiety like they are some kind of weaklings. It’s a disease and it’s highly treatable. Wouldn’t you rather be the catalysts to someone getting help with their depression, rather than being yet another nail in the coffin by saying things like, “Just pull yourself up from your boot straps,” “Get a grip!.” Or “Man up, you pathetic substitute for a man?”

If you know someone with depression, reach out to them. If you are depressed for more than a few days without have recently experienced tremendous loss, reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 and their website is http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org where you can find links to local organizations. Reach out to a spiritual counselor who can help you deal knowing you’re not alone, and then refer you to a licensed social worker, licensed professional counselor or other mental health professional.

No, this isn’t my normal happy-peppy column. Being a spiritual being having a human experience means we must deal with all the human experience – all of it – even the parts we don’t want to talk about. You are not alone. There is a Power within us that is greater than us that knows exactly how to move forward in life. Open up to that Power within and allow it to guide you to the perfect person or right action to face whatever is standing in the way of your happiness. As always,

With Spirit, Joy and Playfulness …. And my love,

Terry

"Genie, You're Free"

R.I.P. Robin Williams

Why Be Normal

Do you remember what it was like being a teenager? Boys and girls going through the cycle of adolescence find themselves with a paradox. Their bodies and minds are developing a sense of separation and independence from their parents. At the same time, middle school and high school are places where fitting in, not sticking out, is preferred by most. How can they establish an individual identity where social groups can mean popularity and acceptance? How can they be perceived as “normal?”

In fact, how can we as adults? If we are like others we have a sense of acceptance about ourselves. At the same time we want to be recognized for the unique person we are. A great deal of my work is helping others to find what is special about them, to find their “gift.” While in the spiritual sense we are one with everything around us, we are also an individualization of the creative mind behind all life. I’ve seen my friend, Natasha, grow up from a child into a beautiful woman. She marched to her own tune as a teenager without apology or any seeming need for approval. Today she’s grown into a beautiful and caring woman who is very clear on who she is.

We risk labels of being weird, crazy or eccentric if we step outside acceptable social rules, color outside the lines or dance to the beat of our own drum. “Why don’t you dress your age?” is a question asked of some seniors. I don’t even know what that means. Who are we to tell someone else how to express themselves? It’s been my experience that a person who asks that of another is doing so for one of two reasons. They might be concerned for a friend or relative being looked down on (though the person in question probably doesn’t care). Or, they may just be jealous that someone else has the chutzpah to live without allowing people to dictate how they should live their lives.

I saw a woman in the grocery store last year that was probably well on the other side of sixty. Her hair was flawless, the blouse sensual but not tacky and the simple black skirt that fit her like a glove was well above her knees. The ensemble was completed by a pair of fierce, black pumps with five-inch spike heels. She was elegant, proud and confident. I complimented her on the fact that she took such meticulous care in her appearance and congratulated her on being one of the few women I’d seen recently who could walk in stilettos without looking like a gazelle with splints on its legs. She blushed and was truly moved that anyone would take the time to compliment her. She was unassuming in conversation and the epitome of a gracious presence.

Is she our “normal” picture of a woman of that age? Probably more so in 2014 than when I was growing up in the ‘60’s, but I’m sure she turned a few heads in the store that included disapproving smirks. I loved her. She wasn’t out to prove she was 30. She wasn’t trying to recapture a sensuality usually reserved in society’s opinion for a woman twenty years younger. She was being who she was, without exception, explanation or apology. When we are confident in our own personalities we don’t do what we do to prove anything to anyone. We are being authentic and unique. In doing so, we reduce our stress level and provide the planet with a gift only we can give.

As one of my dearest friends, Dr. Arleen Bump, once told me, “I don’t defend, justify or explain my actions. I let the results speak for themselves.” How are the results in your own life? Are you seeking approval instead of being the magnificent, unique individual you are? I invite you to step back this week if you begin thinking of stopping yourself from doing something out of fear of reprisal or the disapproval of others. Normal is average. Do you want to be “average,” just “good enough?” I don’t. I want to be amazing, authentic and magnificent! Be yourself. Remember, God doesn’t make junk!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Being Raggedy Ann in a Barbie World

Have you ever felt out-of-place in social situations? I have. A friend once said she often felt “like a house dress in an evening gown world.” Talk about feeling out of place! Imagine showing up for a party in very casual, knock-around-the-house clothes, only to discover it was a black-tie affair. NOT pretty!

First let me make something perfectly clear here about the title of this article. I’m not giving preference to Raggedy Ann or to Barbie. Most of us have heard what Barbie would look like in human form if her proportions were enlarged to a real person. She’d definitely turn heads, but not for the right reason. And, Raggedy Ann’s name alone may give us a picture of something less than pristine or desirable if used to describe ourselves.

Little girls and boys are taught in the media what body types are desirable and which are not to be imitated. Most of us look nothing like the people in the majority of advertisements we see and there’s a perfectly sound marketing reason why that is so. Commercials and print ads are selling a product and playing on our egos and insecurities to buy the wares they are hocking so that we will look better, smell better or be more like the ideals society ascribes to us to be the most desirable man or woman.

Setting Barbie’s “real” measurements aside for a moment, let’s assume that both she and Raggedy Ann are equal. See them as two different individuals, both with desirable characteristics, and each as living happy, productive and fulfilling lives. They are no different than the apple and peach trees in my yard. Both produce different and satisfying fruit. In real life, those of us who are Raggedy Ann and the ones of us more Barbie-esque can have lives worth living if we can accept our own individual gifts and personality.

I love being in a tux and am told I clean up fairly well when I wear one. But I can still enjoy being the t-shirt and jeans guy I am. You may find yourself in complimentary careers or living situations that seem diametrically opposed to others, yet you know it works for you. What we each can do is see if the “Barbie-type” goals to which we might be striving to attain are really what we want. Conversely, we can additionally examine our uncomfortable feelings with enjoying the simpler, “Raggedy Ann-type” accomplishments in our lives.

Successful living is about accepting who we are and changing what we choose to change. It’s about knowing that we need only our own approval to live our lives full-out and magnificently. Perhaps this week you’ll join me in allowing your own unique personality and gifts to be made more visible by sharing with the world who you are. The world awaits you!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

I am Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I’m on vacation this week – away from home AND away from all my electronic gadgets! I hope this week you’ll enjoy a revised version of a popular article I wrote in 2012. See you next week with something brand new and fresh!

Terry

I am Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

Have you ever had one of those days when everyone looks at you like you have green antennae growing out of your head? It’s sort of that “fish out of water” experience; you just don’t feel like you belong.

I grew up, like a lot of my friends, not really feeling at all like I belonged where I was. My trailer park roots are not something of which I am ashamed, but mother always said that I must have been mixed up at Good Samaritan Hospital in Dayton, OH, with a missing baby from the Rockefeller family. My champagne tastes on a beer budget have gotten me in a financial pickle more than once.

But that’s not exactly what I am talking about. Sometimes when we don’t feel like we fit in it’s because we really don’t fit in. That’s not to say we are better than those around us, but we may very well be different. It’s as if we are trying to park diagonally when everyone else is parking parallel. We tend to stand out.

While our school systems would like us to believe that we are educating free-thinkers, the teachers who allow students to think outside the box are few and far between. Today many educators are more concerned with test scores and measurements than they are with teaching our young people how to reason or think creatively. When a child does not conform to the norms of the school or society she or he can be set apart as undesirable.

We must each decide how much we wish to fit in without jeopardizing our individuality. At the same time we can be more loving in how much latitude we give to those around us in how they choose to express their individuality. Just because we are different than those around us, or around those who are unlike us, it doesn’t mean we or they are wrong. Neither should it require anything more than a change of outlook. It means each of us is uniquely qualified to express life in a way that no one else can. That is something to be celebrated, not repressed.

Perhaps this week you can cut yourself some slack if you find your decisions are going against the grain of those around you. We needn’t make others wrong to justify our actions. But, we can believe in ourselves, knowing that we are acting in a matter which is best for us.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Is it good, but still not right?

“So, how are you?” you are asked, to which you answer, “Good! I’m good!” Then it happens. The person raises an eyebrow, perhaps smirks ever so slightly and asks, “Then why don’t you look/sound like it?”

I hate to be busted. I’d like to think I can keep my emotions to myself, but the truth is I’m not nearly as good at hiding my feelings when I’m upset or angry about something. I was serving on a board one time and in the middle of the discussion another board member said, “Terry hasn’t said anything yet. I want to know what he thinks, because it’s been my experience that it’s not when he’s talking that I need to worry, but when he’s quiet.”

What’s going on with us when our life is seemingly okay on the surface, but something still seems amiss? It’s a puzzling situation. We can’t put our finger on what’s eating at us, but we’re well-aware of something being “off.” For me, it feels like the ground is going to fall out from under me, or the world around me is going to explode, or some little gnarly critter is nibbling at me in an unrelenting manner. Whatever it may be in your experience, it’s unpleasant and stops us from being truly happy.

If everything's “alright” but something still feels wrong, then things aren’t nearly as right as we’ve convinced ourselves to believe. It reminds me of two ministers I know discussing their respective relationships. The one was going into extensive details about his marriage, defending all the reasons why he was in and should stay in his relationship. When he paused, the other said very gently, “It sounds like you have what I call a “good enough” marriage.”

The question we can all consider is, Do we want to be in a good enough marriage, job, house, or any other situation? Don’t we, each and every one of us, deserve to have an amazing life worth living? I’m talking about a lie that so excites us that we just can’t imagine how today can be so amazing, yet we know tomorrow is going to be even better. We live in a user-friendly universe, designed and created to support us in all sectors of our lives. So why would anyone settle for less than s/he deserves?

I hope you are as uncomfortable reading this as I am writing this. Understand, please, that I’m being sadistic. I bring this subject up because I know that addressing the problem in your own life can create the atmosphere for the discussion, decision and motivation necessary for change. I’m not suggesting you quit your job, leave your spouse or move across country later this week. I am suggesting, however, that the next time you feel like you’ve settled for a good enough anything that you make sure you are really happy in doing so. Being content is not the same as settling. A sense of calm contentedness has its foundation in an empowered life. But if we settle in our present situation while at the same time forever reaching for something to replace what we have, then we are not living in strength. We are living in spiritual poverty as victims.

None of us deserve to be victims. You have within you the power to create the life you desire. No matter how small that power may feel, know that there is a universal power greater than any situation and you can use that power to affect change in your life. If I can be of any assistance in that regard, please let me know!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Great Expectations

Have you ever suffered disappointment at some time in your life? I suppose that’s a rhetorical question since the answer is, “Well, duh!” We all experience disappointments. Most of my disillusionments have come from when I fall short of reaching my own goals or expectations for myself, not when others fail to live up to my desires. If you, like me, have been given the title of perfectionist (as if that was a badge of shame!), you are well aware that someone who is always striving for perfection is usually harder on him/herself than other people. We SO want to do it “right,” whatever “right” is for us, for others or society. It begs the question, Is perfection is really possible? Are we running on a treadmill of frustration by trying so hard? In fact, why have expectations, great of otherwise, at all?

It’s never perfect and it’s always perfect.

Let me explain what I mean by that. I’ve been privileged to officiant for at least a hundred weddings, holy unions, commitment ceremonies, baptisms, christenings, funerals and memorials over my twenty years in ministry, as well as house blessings, pet blessings and a few exorcisms (more about that another time…). What I can report to you is that when planning the event the people involved want it to be “perfect” – this is particularly true for weddings. The belief is that we have “one shot” to get this right. No retakes. No revisions. One shot. Period.

One of the places I perform weddings in our area has a beautiful, expansive Italian garden. Most brides select a processional that goes from the very top of the gardens to a pavilion at the bottom. With a large wedding party it can take up to seven or eight minutes, but choreographed correctly by “moi” it’s a beautiful and memorable event – unless it rains, as it often can in the summer here in south central Pennsylvania. We had an absolute downpour one day, but the bride was adamant about the processional. So it took place, in the downpour, with huge golf umbrellas provided by the resort for some protection. And … it was perfect.

HOW could have been?!? The couple had great expectations of their special day and a near monsoon was not part of the plan. I’ve heard there’s an Italian tradition that says when it rains on your wedding it means God is showering you with blessings. If that’s the case this couple was blessed beyond all expectation! The bride got exactly what she wanted – a beautiful processional – even if the gown and bridesmaids dresses were a little worse for the wear upon arrival at the lower pavilion. You might think I was dealing with a bridezilla who, come hell or (in this case) high water, was going to have it her way or the highway. Not at all.

I don’t see it that way. If anything, I believe it showed a willingness, tenacity, dedication and determination to fulfill the desire of her fiancé and her. Have you had your plans go array to this extent, or even more severe? Did you think it was a failure and did you suffer the event? It’s never perfect and it’s always perfect. What that means to me is that it, whatever “it” is, is going to be exactly what it’s going to be. We can plan or outline every single detail and be disappointed if things don’t go according to plan, or we can go with the flow and enjoy the moment for what it is. Scripture says, “Time and unforeseen circumstances befall us all.” What does that mean? It means life happens. “Shift” happens.

How we deal with the changes and shifts in life about which we seem to have no control will determine our moods, our attitudes about life, how much people want to be around us, and our future. Without “great expectations” of our future we will most likely end up with a less than a stellar or satisfying life. What do you “expect?” When Emma Curtis Hopkins, New Thought teacher and mental healing expert, was asked by Raymond Charles Barker why she thought a particular case for which she was present seem to have a healing that occurred so quickly and easily. Her answer? “It was what I expected.” Can’t you just imagine in the story of the resurrection of Lazarus when the great teacher Jesus proclaimed, “Lazarus, come out!” but nothing happening? Excuse me? The healing was, again, what he expected.

What do you expect from life, from your future? I invite you this week to think bigger than ever about what you want your life to look like. Would you be willing to do that? You could sit quietly, calm your senses and uncover the joys you desire, the peace you seek and the healings you require. Write those down, without regard to how many come up, and then pick just three. I’m not talking about a new car or a new job. I’m talking about how you envision a peace, a more harmonious life. Then give it to Spirit and expect great things! Let me know how that works out for you!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

The Still Small Voice – Are You Listening to It?

Do you feel lost at times, almost in a state of paralysis when confronted with making some decision? In my last blog I wrote about our freedom of choice, of choosing the path we desire to walk. But all of us, myself included, can allow ourselves to be so beaten down by the opinions of others or the range of possibilities that we find ourselves confused and overwhelmed. We may feel unable to decide the best course to take. There is help, but all-to-often we don’t listen to it.

It is at times like this that I remember a phrase used by one of the great spiritual thinkers of the recent past, Emma Curtis Hopkins. She believed in listening to “the still small voice” within each of us to guide and direct our path. Mrs. Hopkins had a complete and unwavering faith in the energy around us that she called God or Spirit, as well as some other terms. If the word “God” does not work for your spirituality, find one that does. And if no word works for you that’s fine, too! The concept of what “the still small voice” is has value for everyone.

So exact what is this “still small voice?” In my family if I’d reported hearing voices, either still, small or otherwise, I’d have been assumed to have been possessed by Satan. Hearing voices was the work of the Devil. The religion of my childhood held no concept of God communicating directly with each of us. We could pray to God, but expecting a direct answer was not in the cards. The best explanation of what Mrs. Hopkins meant is from her own writings:

“On rare and wonderful occasions sincere thinkers have heard the voice. It never tells anything but good. It never tells of weakness. It always tells of strength. It never tells of approaching death, It tells how to live. It never speaks of misfortune ahead of us. It always tells of what move to make or what business to begin or pursue to be prosperous.”

So are we to expect that an all-powerful entity or energy speaks quietly? If it’s all that powerful shouldn’t there be a grand entrance like we’ve seen in epic Hollywood movies, with volume to shake the roof? True power doesn’t have to run us over. As my friend, Jaye Taylor, once told me, “God can’t speak to us when we’re noisy.” The concept of power being loud, harsh, physical and invasive is a product of our male-dominated, testosterone-driving western culture, e.g., big pickup trucks with huge tires and a loud muffler equate to “Boy, am I something!”

God doesn’t have overcompensation issues. The power of which Mrs. Hopkins speaks does not have any need to prove itself to anyone. The confidence and power of Spirit is not dependent upon the outside approval or accreditation of others, and neither does our power need to be. If we are taking time to admit to ourselves our heart’s desire; if we are being honest to ourselves our true abilities; then, and only then, will we be made aware of the still small voice, our intuition or just a gut feeling about a decision or our next step.

We have within us the power to change our life and the wisdom to know that the change can come about. How it will come about is revealed when we open ourselves up to that inner wisdom. Perhaps this week you might want to become more consciously aware of how you feel about situations, people and events. I’m not suggesting that you act on your first impulse, but I am proffering the possibility of giving more attention to passing thoughts as evidence of inner guidance, your own still small voice. Maybe you’ll hear something that “clicks” in a song on the radio. You might suddenly think to turn left when you normally turn right on your way to work. The still small voice within each of us is speaking all the time – are you speaking the same language as it is? Could you be available to hear what your intuition has to say? Would you be willing, just for fun, to see what that’s like?

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Feel free to forward this to someone you love!

Not Choosing Is Choosing

Have you ever had a decision to make in your life and just can’t figure out what to do? It might be as simple as what movie to see with a friend or it could be making a major career move. I know in my own life there have been times I over-analyzed a situation to the point that I thought my brain was going to explode, but still didn’t have a solution that I felt good about.

When Ernest Holmes said, “Change your thinking, change your life,” he was talking about making choices. We can’t change anything in our lives without making a conscious or unconscious choice to do so. I would proffer to you that making active, informed choices is preferable over reacting like we were a piece of machinery. Gary Zukav wrote that if we make conscious choices we evolve consciously. The opposite is also true.

In his book, “The Art of Uncertainty,” Dennis Merritt Jones wrote, “You can run but you cannot hide because making choices is not an option.” The question arises, Isn’t not choosing an option for us?” Jones says “no” and I agree. During my early training in the teachings of New Thought, one of my teachers said simply, “Not choosing is choosing.” I didn’t understand that at all at the time. I figured that if I didn’t decide then someone else would decide for me, eliminating the need to make a decision, e.g. let my partner or friend choose the movie. That act, though it seems passive – dare we say “victim” in some choices? – is quite active and IS choosing. We are choosing not to choose.

In this case what we are doing is choosing to allow someone else to have power in our lives, to allow the will and whim of another person to have control over our present life and quite possibly our future outcomes. That’s a lot of power to give away. It also sets us up for disappointment if our plan was to play the victim game. We can’t be a victim because we volunteered for the outcome by not making the choice ourselves. In other words, allowing the other person to choose the movie doesn’t give me the right to complain about how it was the wrong choice!

This week endeavor to make conscious, informed choices. If the time to choose doesn’t feel right to you, then perhaps the decision can be put off. If not, the wisdom of my mother as I was growing up applies:  “When in doubt, don’t.”

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

The Power of Saying "Yes"

Have you ever wanted something – REALLY wanted something! – but, when it was placed before you there was a moment of hesitation before you accepted it? It’s happened to me. It seems that many of us have a problem saying “yes.” We can be so focused on needing something in our lives that when it (whatever “it” is) appears we find ourselves questioning the arrival. The packaging (or the form in which our good comes to us) may not look like what we expected. It may come quicker than we thought possible. We might even avoid accepting our good because we feel unworthy. So let’s look at some of the reasons that stops us from saying “yes” to life and how to be more receptive to our good.

• ·       Packaging – Wow…that’s a big one in my history. The example I use is the man who asks for help and it comes from the most unexpected source – the mother-in-law he can’t stand! My personal favorite was perfect, Divine Right guidance that came from an ex-lover who owed me money. Accept THAT one! It wasn’t easy, since he had no intention of repaying me, but by gritting my teeth I got the answer I needed to return to “yes,” meaning peace of mind.
• ·       Immediate demonstration – I love this one and, again, I must tell a story on myself about it. I had been dating the man who is now my partner for a little over a year. We had “that talk” and decided we wanted to make a go of it (guess it worked as that was nearly 10 years ago). That meant I had to move, so I put in a transfer with my company at the time, expecting it to take about a year. Instead, I got my transfer in less than a month. We panicked. I panicked! Should I say “no” to the transfer? A wise friend said, “Let me get this straight. You asked God to provide for you. God did, and now you are going to thumb your nose at the Universe because it happened quicker than your little mind thought possible. Is that about it?” I took the transfer.
• ·       Unworthiness – Here’s where self-doubt comes into play. We may, for whatever reason – the perfect daily guide, a friend’s encouragement, etc – decide, “Darn it! I’m going to DO this!” whatever “this” is. We pray, we meditate, we make plans and create a goal list and VOILÁ! The object of our desire is before us. The logical thing to do is open our arms wide, embrace the gift and give thanks. But we don’t always do that, do we? Sometimes it’s packaging or timing, but often it can be that now that the object of our desire is before us we start to feel shame, unworthiness or guilt.

Let’s not forget the role that wisdom plays in the power of “yes.” There are some people who tell us to say “Yes!” to everything. I’m not opposed to accepting my good, in fact I welcome it. But let’s understand that if someone suggests you walk out in front of a bus with him, or accept a poisonous snake as a gift, we acknowledge that what we really mean to say “Yes!” to everything that is for our highest good. It’s the process of implied wisdom, using our past experiences in life for a beneficial present and future.

Here’s another way of looking at this. We have enough Easter candy in the house right now to start our own dollar store. If I say “Yes!” to my ever-present chocolate cravings every time I pass by the kitchen counter I’ll soon not fit between the counter and the frig. As my chiropractor (a bodybuilder) pointed out to me recently, I can’t be tempted if it’s not there. Well, there is THAT! But, for now, the candy IS there. I get to decide (on a most frequent schedule) to say “yes” or “no” to yet another piece of chocolate. Based on the way my suit felt yesterday when I wore it I’m choosing to say “no” more often. What “candy of instant gratification” is calling to you right now?

Here’s a suggestion for you to play with over the next week based on the three points outlined above. First, be sure that you really want something before you ask for it and be willing to accept it without deciding exactly how it’s supposed to show up. Second, open the space to accept your good a whole lot quicker than you might be able to imagine. And, third, receive your good with grace and appreciation, knowing that if it’s presented to you that it’s yours to claim! Care to give that a try?

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

What's in Your Path?

This past Sunday I spoke on the topic of “Clearing Our Path.” The very concept that our paths need to be cleared implies that there is something to clear. We had a lively discussion about what that might be, as well as what our part is in acknowledging blockages.

If there is something that appears to be in your way, blocking the path to your goal, the first step is to recognize the block. Beyond that we need to step back and ask ourselves what our part is in creating that blockage in the first place. I have heard a person say, “I could never learn a new language. I was awful in high school at French.” The block is an unwillingness to entertain the possibility that she could learn a new language. And, she put the block there based on her past experience, which may or may not be based on fact. How often can you remember doing something similar?

In other cases the block might be a person or organization. A partner might be saying s/he doesn’t want us to go away for the weekend with friends to do something that s/he doesn’t want to do, but we do. A supervisor could tell us we need to keep our ideas to ourselves about changes in the company that we feel could benefit everyone. An organization may decide to put restrictions on us we feel are unfair or unreasonable.

Whatever the case, whether it be a block we created consciously or one that appears to coming from someone else, it can be handled the same way. First we have to decide that the block will not stand in the way of achieving our goal. Then we can decide whether to walk through it, around it, over it, under it, blast through it, or simply turn around and take another route that doesn’t include the blockage. However, and you probably guessed there would be a “however,” there is a caveat when it comes to eliminating blockages.

We have freedom of choice, but not of consequence. Refusing to let anyone stand in the way of our happiness is going result in us being much more satisfied with our life. Conversely, it may cause friction with another person or organization. If the latter happens they’ll get over it one way or the other as long as we practice one principle:  Always come from love. Never attempt to dispel a blockage through anger, humiliation, criticism or blame. Heal what needs to be healed within your own consciousness and then, and only then, move forward in love – pure, unconditional love.

Do you have a blockage in some part or parts of your life? Choose one you’d like to handle, heal the issues surrounding it, and lovingly see it dissolve as you proceed toward your goals in pursuit of your vision.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Living With Instability

It has been said that the only constant is change. That’s a paradox, but quite true. We humans are linear time beings. We tend to fret about what happened in the past and worry about what is to occur in the future. But in truth we have only the present since the past is gone and the future yet to come.

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons we often feel so agitated or unsettled:  We can be so busy pining over the past and wringing our hands about the future that we have no time to enjoy the present. We might crave knowledge of the future so we’ll know exactly what to expect. That would give us a sense of security – no unknown factors! Yea!

The only problem is life just isn’t that way and much of what we have been taught about security is not really all that reliable in the long run. No matter how precisely we plan something it seldom goes exactly the way we thought it would. Sometimes it turns out better than we could imagine; other times it is a mild or major disappointment. Ultimately it usually ends up being just fine. Call as many psychics as you like, burn candles, cast stones and read tea leaves, but to be 100 percent sure something is going to happen means we have to wait to live through it.

The amount of instability we can sometimes feel relates directly to how empowered we feel in any given situation. A woman may decide to conceive a child, but other than scheduling a C-section she has little if any control over when the baby will come. Like the pregnant mother, we may have a time frame (not more than nine months for the mother, thank you very much!), but the exact amount of time for our goals and desires to manifest is often out of our reach. It doesn’t mean we can’t give our goals a date as to when we expect fulfillment of our desires, but that date isn’t written in stone either.

There’s two major ways we can deal with the types of instability we all encounter from time-to-time. One way is to get our knickers in twist about the whole affair, work ourselves into a lather and make most everyone around us wish we were someplace else. Or, we can relax into the peace of mind in knowing that we have done everything possible to affect the changes we desire and recognize that part of the process of creation is letting go of that which no longer serves us. The chick doesn’t grieve the loss of the egg shell, nor the butterfly the confines of its cocoon.

We can learn from the spring growth we are seeing around us this season. Watch as bulbs grow into green stalks that give way to wondrous pallets of color. Think of your own desires as these beautiful flowers and relax into the process of seeing your dreams and goals blossom into grand reality.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Why Did That Happen?

This week it’s been announced that Malaysian Airlines flight 370 and its crew and passengers totaling 239 people is considered lost at sea. A commuter train on its way to O’Hare International Airport in Chicago derailed, injuring over 30 people. And, a freak mudslide in Washington state has resulted in over two hundred people missing and feared dead.

Not exactly cheery news. And this wasn’t all that happened either. While we were inundated with the stories above by mass media, there is still fighting in Syria, suicide bombers in the Middle East, and human rights abuses throughout the planet. I’d like to be able to tell you the events noted here are exceptions to the rule, but the fact is horrible things are happening even as we speak. It’s called life. As King Solomon is believed to have said, “Time and unforeseen circumstances befall us all.”

I found it interesting how quickly we stopped hearing about Syria as soon as MH370 went missing. The truth is, we have a very short attention span with news reports unless we have a personal stake in the story. Media constantly scans the events of the day to see what can be sensationalized, thereby making their network the most watched, which, not-so-coincidentally, helps drive up advertising rates. We can ask, What happened? Why? Or, we can ask an even more interesting question:  Why are we putting so much time, effort and energy into dwelling on disasters, crises, pain and suffering?

Now, before one of you writes me an angry email explaining in detail why we should care about others, please let me explain. This obsession with disaster has little to do with lovingly caring for those around us and those we don’t even know. It has to do with diverting our attention from what we could be doing and, instead, focusing on what other’s should be doing...or at least what we think they should be doing.

If you feel so inclined to support people suffering because of political conditions or disasters through your dollars, time or physical efforts by all means do so. Everyone helping even a little translates into a shift, even a small one, in the consciousness of the situation. I am merely suggesting that we focus on what we can do that will have the most impact.

The first thing we must do is keep the highest and best outcome at the forefront of our consciousness. The next thing we can do is to affect positive change wherever we can. I’ve known people who feel quite proud that they send money to a far off country to help those in need, but who are unwilling to offer to buy meal for a homeless person in their own town. I can’t personally contact Bashar al-Assad to discuss what I think would solve the problems in Syria. I can make sure that my interactions with others throughout the day, including my own family, are ones full of love, understanding and compassion.

“Why?” is a question that rarely has a satisfying answer in the moment. Rather, what affects change is asking, “How can I support you?”

Who is waiting for you to support them this week, and from whom are you willing to accept help? Seeking to learn the answer to those questions will keep you busy while the seemingly unanswerable get worked on, Wonderful side effects include less stress and more happiness.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry