It Just Makes Me Want to Scream – Part Two: The spirituality of being human

Did you do any screaming last week? (If you don’t understand why I’d ask that question, go back and read last week’s blog first!) I hope you understood last week that I wasn’t suggesting we run around like a bunch of raving maniacs, screaming our heads off at the world. However, we can sometimes experience frustrations that need a release. That can be a private scream or a good cry.

I suggested last week that if we can get beyond the anger and frustration we will find fear and an emotional wounding of some sort. If we have the strength to go that far in our spiritual journey we will recognize just how deep we have buried the pain, how we feel damaged and by whom. How can we move through that kind of profound emotional sadness? Recognizing that we are hurt is the first step to our healing. It is then that we can take stock of what is causing the pain with the goal of moving through and beyond the experience.

In my experience most of anguish in my life has been caused by one of the following situations:

•          I failed to live up to my expectations or what others expected of me
•          Someone else failed to live up to my expectations of what I thought was their potential
•          I got my feelings hurt because another person didn’t act the way I expected them to act
•          I got rejected and I failed to understand why since I’d done everything I thought I should have done

All these scenarios are about how we handle or mishandle events in our life. We get ticked off. We get our feelings hurt. Our egos get bruised. Sometimes we know we are the perpetrator; sometimes we feel like the victim. In the end, none of that matters. What matters is what we are going to do with the mess in front of us. If we want sunny-side-up eggs and break the yoke while cooking the eggs either we are going settle for scrambled eggs, or throw out the eggs and start over. Both are options. I humbly suggest, however, if you are going to willingly accept the scrambled experiences when you wanted sunny-side-up outcomes that you do not complain about the situation. It’s counterproductive to willingly accept less than we desire and then whine about it.

If we are willing to recognize the wound and identify the cause, then what is the next step? If others are involved that could mean admitting our hurt to them. Will they help clean the wound and apply a soothing balm, or will they rip the wound further apart and pour salt into it? There is a possibility that some people could do the latter. The mere suggestion even more pain can occur might be enough to stop us from moving forward. But even if that does happen, here’s the blessing:  We know where we stand and we no longer have to permit that individual to continue abusing us.

If we find that the wound is imagined or concocted, designed specifically by our ego and acted out in our own mind with no one else involved, then we have the challenge of dealing with those issues. We might have to take a very personal and honest look at how we are living our life. Are there decisions we’ve been putting off because we’re afraid of the outcome? We can stand by the side of the pool and worry that the water is cold, or we can jump in and find out. Sometimes we’re afraid to even stick our toe in!

There is a way to work through deep-seated pain and exit the experience to peace and freedom. Here’s what you might want to try this week:  When you have a few quite moments alone, take a very, very, very deep breath. Allow a long-standing problem you have had come to you. In your mind, turn it over and look at it from all sides. Then ask Spirit what it is you need to do to move through and beyond the issue. You may already know the answer, even if you don’t like it. Whatever your next step is, would you be willing to take it, or at least consider taking it? While we may not always like what we have to do, there is a tremendous sense of empowerment if we can muster the courage to do so. Don’t think you can do it alone? No problem – you don’t have to! Please let me know how I can support you, or reach out to someone you trust to walk with you through this period of time. Together, we can remind each other of just how powerful, how wonderful and how magnificent we are.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

Does It Make You Want to Scream? – Part One: The spirituality of being human

Do you ever have situations in your life when you feel like you’ve done everything you can to produce the desired outcome, but the whole thing just falls apart…or blows up…or implodes?!? I believe we call that “frustration” (among other things!). It can often be accompanied by screaming and fist pounding. Doesn’t sound very “spiritual,” does it?

On the contrary, I think it does! We may be “spirit have a human experience,” but the fact remains we are HUMAN. We are here, on this planet and in these bodies, to participate in the human experience. That implies ALL of the human experience from the joy and ecstasy of love to the anger and pain of unpleasant scenarios. When it comes to the latter it just sucks.

There are a number of ways we can handle situations like this, but I believe there are two extremes we can observe. One is putting our tail between our legs while we skulk off into the shadows because we think the entire fiasco was our fault (aka, The Grand Martyr Syndrome, which has little to do with responsibility and smacks of being a victim). The other is to blame the other party(ies) for the disaster as if we weren’t part of the process. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. Yes, there is always personal responsibility, but in the attempt to accept our part we can ignore other factors that were involved.

I remember in the 1980s how apologies suddenly went out with dial phones. It was never just, “I’m sorry,” but rather some arrogant platitude that came out as, “Did you find out why you partnered with me to make me do what I did to get you so upset?” It was – and still is – metaphysical psyhobabble that lacks the healing energies of love and compassion. It does, however, grow out of ego and arrogance run rampant.

Rather than discuss “whose fault is it,” a more positive way of dealing with great upset is to do exactly what society may not want us to do:  Have a little “reaction.” We might just want to have a good scream, cry or beat a few pillows. “Just git it out and git it all over yourself, honey,” my grandma Esther used to say, “’cause it’s better out than in.”

Pretending we aren’t royally ticked off when we are doesn’t help the healing process. To do that would be like bandaging up a severely, dirty wound without first cleaning out the injury and applying medication. If our frustrations do not manifest in one way they most assuredly will become apparent in some other way. Often that shows up as a physical or emotional ailment we may find hard to shake. Dealing with the blockage to our happiness, as opposed to pretending we aren’t affected by it, will allow us to get beyond the upset and onto the healing we deserve.

Have you been living with a long-standing physical problem that doesn’t seem to go away no matter what you do? Could it perhaps have started around the same time there was someone or something in your life that just made you want to scream? Perhaps you could consider giving into that – my favorite place is under water in the hot tub. If you decide to find a place, please inform others if they are around. Pets must decidedly not be in the area – no need to expose them to that! Once you get it all out I suspect you might find what’s under the anger – there’s always something under the anger! This allows us to more effectively deal with the real emotional issue. In my experience that emotion is fear, but below that is pain or hurt. Next week I’ll write more about how to deal with that kind of deep pain.

Until then, be willing to feel frustration and any other emotions should they arise, rather than burying your feelings. Then, find a safe, appropriate and preferable private, place to express that frustration. This is not about striking out at others, but going within our own consciousness to get at the root of our issue. Oh, and if you do decide to have a little scream of your own, take it from a trained singer:  Lower your voice. There’s fare less chance of damaging your vocal chords that way. And, as always, if you need a listening ear to help you work through it, I’d be happy to assist!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry