Not Choosing Is Choosing

Have you ever had a decision to make in your life and just can’t figure out what to do? It might be as simple as what movie to see with a friend or it could be making a major career move. I know in my own life there have been times I over-analyzed a situation to the point that I thought my brain was going to explode, but still didn’t have a solution that I felt good about.

When Ernest Holmes said, “Change your thinking, change your life,” he was talking about making choices. We can’t change anything in our lives without making a conscious or unconscious choice to do so. I would proffer to you that making active, informed choices is preferable over reacting like we were a piece of machinery. Gary Zukav wrote that if we make conscious choices we evolve consciously. The opposite is also true.

In his book, “The Art of Uncertainty,” Dennis Merritt Jones wrote, “You can run but you cannot hide because making choices is not an option.” The question arises, Isn’t not choosing an option for us?” Jones says “no” and I agree. During my early training in the teachings of New Thought, one of my teachers said simply, “Not choosing is choosing.” I didn’t understand that at all at the time. I figured that if I didn’t decide then someone else would decide for me, eliminating the need to make a decision, e.g. let my partner or friend choose the movie. That act, though it seems passive – dare we say “victim” in some choices? – is quite active and IS choosing. We are choosing not to choose.

In this case what we are doing is choosing to allow someone else to have power in our lives, to allow the will and whim of another person to have control over our present life and quite possibly our future outcomes. That’s a lot of power to give away. It also sets us up for disappointment if our plan was to play the victim game. We can’t be a victim because we volunteered for the outcome by not making the choice ourselves. In other words, allowing the other person to choose the movie doesn’t give me the right to complain about how it was the wrong choice!

This week endeavor to make conscious, informed choices. If the time to choose doesn’t feel right to you, then perhaps the decision can be put off. If not, the wisdom of my mother as I was growing up applies:  “When in doubt, don’t.”

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

The Power of Saying "Yes"

Have you ever wanted something – REALLY wanted something! – but, when it was placed before you there was a moment of hesitation before you accepted it? It’s happened to me. It seems that many of us have a problem saying “yes.” We can be so focused on needing something in our lives that when it (whatever “it” is) appears we find ourselves questioning the arrival. The packaging (or the form in which our good comes to us) may not look like what we expected. It may come quicker than we thought possible. We might even avoid accepting our good because we feel unworthy. So let’s look at some of the reasons that stops us from saying “yes” to life and how to be more receptive to our good.

• ·       Packaging – Wow…that’s a big one in my history. The example I use is the man who asks for help and it comes from the most unexpected source – the mother-in-law he can’t stand! My personal favorite was perfect, Divine Right guidance that came from an ex-lover who owed me money. Accept THAT one! It wasn’t easy, since he had no intention of repaying me, but by gritting my teeth I got the answer I needed to return to “yes,” meaning peace of mind.
• ·       Immediate demonstration – I love this one and, again, I must tell a story on myself about it. I had been dating the man who is now my partner for a little over a year. We had “that talk” and decided we wanted to make a go of it (guess it worked as that was nearly 10 years ago). That meant I had to move, so I put in a transfer with my company at the time, expecting it to take about a year. Instead, I got my transfer in less than a month. We panicked. I panicked! Should I say “no” to the transfer? A wise friend said, “Let me get this straight. You asked God to provide for you. God did, and now you are going to thumb your nose at the Universe because it happened quicker than your little mind thought possible. Is that about it?” I took the transfer.
• ·       Unworthiness – Here’s where self-doubt comes into play. We may, for whatever reason – the perfect daily guide, a friend’s encouragement, etc – decide, “Darn it! I’m going to DO this!” whatever “this” is. We pray, we meditate, we make plans and create a goal list and VOILÁ! The object of our desire is before us. The logical thing to do is open our arms wide, embrace the gift and give thanks. But we don’t always do that, do we? Sometimes it’s packaging or timing, but often it can be that now that the object of our desire is before us we start to feel shame, unworthiness or guilt.

Let’s not forget the role that wisdom plays in the power of “yes.” There are some people who tell us to say “Yes!” to everything. I’m not opposed to accepting my good, in fact I welcome it. But let’s understand that if someone suggests you walk out in front of a bus with him, or accept a poisonous snake as a gift, we acknowledge that what we really mean to say “Yes!” to everything that is for our highest good. It’s the process of implied wisdom, using our past experiences in life for a beneficial present and future.

Here’s another way of looking at this. We have enough Easter candy in the house right now to start our own dollar store. If I say “Yes!” to my ever-present chocolate cravings every time I pass by the kitchen counter I’ll soon not fit between the counter and the frig. As my chiropractor (a bodybuilder) pointed out to me recently, I can’t be tempted if it’s not there. Well, there is THAT! But, for now, the candy IS there. I get to decide (on a most frequent schedule) to say “yes” or “no” to yet another piece of chocolate. Based on the way my suit felt yesterday when I wore it I’m choosing to say “no” more often. What “candy of instant gratification” is calling to you right now?

Here’s a suggestion for you to play with over the next week based on the three points outlined above. First, be sure that you really want something before you ask for it and be willing to accept it without deciding exactly how it’s supposed to show up. Second, open the space to accept your good a whole lot quicker than you might be able to imagine. And, third, receive your good with grace and appreciation, knowing that if it’s presented to you that it’s yours to claim! Care to give that a try?

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

What's in Your Path?

This past Sunday I spoke on the topic of “Clearing Our Path.” The very concept that our paths need to be cleared implies that there is something to clear. We had a lively discussion about what that might be, as well as what our part is in acknowledging blockages.

If there is something that appears to be in your way, blocking the path to your goal, the first step is to recognize the block. Beyond that we need to step back and ask ourselves what our part is in creating that blockage in the first place. I have heard a person say, “I could never learn a new language. I was awful in high school at French.” The block is an unwillingness to entertain the possibility that she could learn a new language. And, she put the block there based on her past experience, which may or may not be based on fact. How often can you remember doing something similar?

In other cases the block might be a person or organization. A partner might be saying s/he doesn’t want us to go away for the weekend with friends to do something that s/he doesn’t want to do, but we do. A supervisor could tell us we need to keep our ideas to ourselves about changes in the company that we feel could benefit everyone. An organization may decide to put restrictions on us we feel are unfair or unreasonable.

Whatever the case, whether it be a block we created consciously or one that appears to coming from someone else, it can be handled the same way. First we have to decide that the block will not stand in the way of achieving our goal. Then we can decide whether to walk through it, around it, over it, under it, blast through it, or simply turn around and take another route that doesn’t include the blockage. However, and you probably guessed there would be a “however,” there is a caveat when it comes to eliminating blockages.

We have freedom of choice, but not of consequence. Refusing to let anyone stand in the way of our happiness is going result in us being much more satisfied with our life. Conversely, it may cause friction with another person or organization. If the latter happens they’ll get over it one way or the other as long as we practice one principle:  Always come from love. Never attempt to dispel a blockage through anger, humiliation, criticism or blame. Heal what needs to be healed within your own consciousness and then, and only then, move forward in love – pure, unconditional love.

Do you have a blockage in some part or parts of your life? Choose one you’d like to handle, heal the issues surrounding it, and lovingly see it dissolve as you proceed toward your goals in pursuit of your vision.

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry

What Scares the Snot Out of You?

I really wish I could take credit for the title, but I have to attribute it to my friend and colleague, Edwene Gaines. Edwene has to be one of the most authentic persons I know on planet earth. Those of you who know her are already nodding your head.

One of the many things this wise woman has taught me is that if you want to have a fulfilling life you must be authentic. “This is NOT an option!” she would say. If we are looking for a shortcut to our happiness then perhaps that is it:  We MUST be authentic if we are to live happy, fulfilled and prosperous lives. The problem we (I include myself in this equation) is that we are scared spitless of the ramifications of doing so.

What is it that’s scaring the snot out of you? If you think about what you REALLY want to do with your life, want fears come up, what obstacles are you allowing to stop you? Here are a few that come to mind:  What if they don’t like me? What if he leaves me? What if I can’t handle my success? And, my personal favorite (though you’d never hear me say it), What will I complain about?

The question for us all to answer is not about what we will do or experience if we are authentic, follow our dreams and live life full-tilt boogie. What we need to worry about is NOT being authentic. Are you experiencing depression, anxiety, weight issues, financial problems, relationship issues, career-related problems or any other problem you find insurmountable? Much of your distress is probably because you are not allowing yourself to be the magnificent, unique and amazing person you are.

Let that inner you out this week and see what happens. Do it with love, joy and excitement, not arrogance or vindictiveness. We are all awaiting the results!

In Spirit, Truth and Playfulness,

Terry